ENVY.
I've found myself trapped in the vines of envy. I want something I can not have and it eats away at me. I've shut down, turned into a zombie; I'm no longer me but instead I am emotionless.
It seems impossible for me to let go, I am weak. I've turned desperate, I'm letting my heart be pulled apart and the only way to stop it, is for me to let go.
Why do we fight ourselves? Why is it decisions must be hard rather than easy?
My heart and body is trying to let go, move on; before I make myself sick. But my mind brakes down every little thing, makes reasons for the bad memories and stretches out the good memories.
Why do I let my enteral feelings be the enemy and my mind the hero?
Why do we fight ourselves? Why is it decisions must be hard rather than easy?
My heart and body is trying to let go, move on; before I make myself sick. But my mind brakes down every little thing, makes reasons for the bad memories and stretches out the good memories.
Why do I let my enteral feelings be the enemy and my mind the hero?
I see my problem but I can't face it; playing into my post yesterday, I fear what will happen.
I am envious of another and I don't even know her. I envy the feelings someone I've grown close to shares for her. I feel as if I am never enough that I am never someone's first choice. I envy those who fall in love, as love is one of my biggest fears.
I will try to be strong.
No matter what, I will try.
-HMM
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