What's New Pussycat?

It's been awhile but no worries, I'm still here; six months in LA now, crazy how time files. 

So what's new with me...

To be honest, I haven't changed, seems as if I am trying to find myself more than ever now. The first quarter at school went well, I made friends, learned new things and I thought every quarter could only get better. This last quarter seemed as if it would never end. I was dragging by the end, I had an attitude; I caught a bad spell of bitchiness. Went back Texas for a week, told myself "this was time to relax and come back refresh, with a attitude adjustment." That didn't work out as planned, I don't get it, why am I waking up on my bad side of the bed every morning? 

In the movie "No business like show business" Marilyn sings "After you get what you want you don't want it", a song about wanting, dreaming...but once you get everything you want you don't want it any more. I think everyone once in their life takes something or someone for granted, sometimes I feel as if I do it to often. I am selfish, I know that, but to what extent? Am I a perfect match to "You're So Vain" by Carly Simon or is this feeling normal? 

Within the six months of living away from home, I have tried to change myself continuously. Maybe that is where my mood spell came from. I just don't know who I want to be, yes of course I want to be me...but who is that? I'm so wrapped up in different roles and acts, that I trying to make me instead of be me. I had a teacher this quarter tell me I was playing a role and it fit me, but I shouldn't become it. That scared me, still does as I think about it. Are we all playing roles or is that only the few who either can't find themselves or hate the "real" person they are. I remember Lady Gaga on the stage of the VMA's dressed as a man, she spoke about herself saying- "I'm not real, I am theater." Gaga is an act, just like Marilyn Monroe, they never let their true sides show and that's what makes them so interesting. They have so many sides, layers; keeping their real selfs in the shadows, backstage. 

"All the worlds a stage"-William Shakespeare; we are all performers, whether we like it or not. 

I'll say in touch this time around, I promise.

XOX,

HMM